top of page
Search

Bumps and Curves

I can't remember the last time that I have been completely comfortable with what I look like and have been working towards a true self-love. All my life, I have been a plus-size, bumpy skin individual, and in many ways it has brought me many tears, yet has caused a quest in this thing called life.

Growing up, I have always been the chubbiest in the class, in the friend groups, and quite frankly it has been exhausting. I am not writing to complain but I am being as vulnerable as I can be because of the grace of God. I have been able to understand my self worth in a very progressive way. I use to go in a circle of damaging inner-dialogue of, "Your'e so fat", "Why can't you figure it out?", "What's wrong with you?". But today, I can acknowledge that those thoughts are not helping me in any form. When I sit with myself and truly try to figure out why this is always the immediate response to my body, I have to take a step into the past. For many years of my life, I was bullied for simply being fat. Im in a place now, where being called fat or whatever word that can be associated with fatness, doesn't affect me the way it used to. For a long time the word fat use to feel like a pierce in my side that would never leave. Everyday I would go to school and I would be terrified of what could possibly happen. I wish my bullying was just words but it wasn't, it often was tormenting words followed by physical torment. This challenged my very understanding of who I believed I was at the time. My identity in my eyes was solely surrounded by the opinion of others and what they deemed my fatness to be. By the time I reached high school, I was dealing with depression and severe anxiety.

At that point, I really had to reevaluate the way I understood myself worth and who controlled the narrative. I began to recognize that no one can have power over my mind, my body or my spirit unless I authorize it. I am not pushing aside the pain and trouble that was formed from this bullying but when I changed my perspective, my response turned from shame to strength. It wasn't easy but it truly was through my faith in Jesus that I began to transform my mind. Psalms 139:14 says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well". It may seem that in the moments when I am overwhelmed with this toxic dialogue with myself and with anxiety and depression, that I am the thing that is wrong. However, I am fearfully and wonderfully made! God doesn't make mistakes and I had to recognize, that the words of other and their perspective of who I am, is very different from how God sees me.

This life isn't easy and Jesus warns us of that but also tells us to take courage because He overcame the world, (John 16:33). If you find yourself struggling with your self image or even with the thoughts that may cross your mind and cause you to trip in any way, trust the process. I could have never thought that circumstances that I was dealing with, and truth am still dealing with, would have led to me truly wanting to search for change. I made the decision to choose me, choose the woman that I am created to be. Self-love and growth is a journey and it may be the road less traveled but don't worry. Take the time to get to know who YOU are and what you have to offer, this true reflection causes change and a shift in ways you may not understand. I don't have all the answers because I am still learning how to dive into the deep. However, when you put your faith in Jesus, He will provide you strength when you are weak. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, don't forget. Much love to you all!


19 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
Post: Blog2 Post
bottom of page