For the past five years of my life, what I understood faith to be has shifted and has grown into a deeper translation of love. I didn't grow up and have any one around me who was necessarily a self proclaimed, born again believer in Jesus. To be very honest, besides my mother throwing on Mary Mary or Yolonda Adams every once in a while, there was no discussion of faith. I understood the word faith to be just believing in something and trusting in it. So to have faith for a long time was to believe that I could do something, faith that if I put my mind to something it could be done and this isn't completely wrong but it isn't completely true. However, when I gave my life to Christ, faiths meaning transformed completely for me. Where having faith was once about my ability and how I could use it, or misplace and lose it, faith now, was about trusting in relying on the strength of God and His plan for me.
Having faith isn't a one time event, having faith is a daily choice. I wake up and I choose to have faith in Jesus because not only does it strengthen me on the days that seem too difficult to get through, it also reminds me that the life that destined for me is for me through him. Psalms 139:13 says, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb". This right here shows that God created me! Every part of me, every curve, every hair that flows from my scalp, every fiber of my being, God created with intentions. My faith has grown from realizing that without Jesus, life is destruction and pain. Jesus came that I may have access to eternal life with Him. When I did not believe, I was broken and alone, I did not know a stable life nor did I know peace. When I became a believer, I thought I found peace in vices like drinking, sexual activities, over eating and destroying my own mind. I knew who Jesus was and yet I still was not looking and relying on Him. I thought that I could rely on myself to get through trauma, to get through abandonment and fear. It made sense to me to say if you want to get out of this pain, then YOU have to do SOMETHING about it and I did, andI failed. I found myself in worse pain than before, not only did I become addicted to alcohol, I became severely depressed. I kept up with my school work, I was able to maintain two jobs and make sure that everything was in order, but in my private time, I was crumbling. I have called myself a christian for the past five years of my life but I was struggling because I have suppressed so many things and could not predict when they would attack me.
It was then, that I realized that I haven't fully said,"Okay Lord, your will and not my own" and truly meant it. At the end of 2019, I made the decision to give myself whole heartedly to God without holding back, not saying God I serve you but I need to have control here or I need to have control there, but saying it's all about you Jesus. Since the ending of January I have been sober and I am more free in my mind than I have ever been in the 21 years of my life. So what does it mean to have faith? It means to have trust, it means to have grit and humility. I could not have done this and many other things without the GRACE of God, through trusting Him in this process. By Gods grace, which is His unmerited love and favor, what I was unable to do before, I am able to do know because my focus has shifted. I have faith in Jesus because, he is the light at the end of the tunnel, He is the strength when you are weak. Faith is having hope and an assurance that, maybe right now my life isn't what I imagined but I trust you Jesus to see me through. I rather be led by the creator of the world who promised to bring peace, than to be led by trauma, depression, addiction, fear and hatred. I am not a perfect person, but I am progressing. I didn't make any strides in this life until I gave my life to Christ. I choose to have faith because it is what keeps me alive and gives me hope. If you find yourself battered down by situations in your life, just know that God doesn't makes mistakes, He is concerned with everything about you, give it to Him.
Some tools that I have used to overcome adverse situations are first to PRAY. Prayer to the Father is so important to this walk because it is how you build your relationship with Him. It took me along time to actually believe that, I thought that God was not answering or listening to me. Thats just not true, God heard me and He heard me clearly. I had to make the decision to commit myself and be faithful in the seasons of depression and pain.
After PRAYER, I SEEK SUPPORT. I find this to be so crucial for myself because often what I would do is isolate. I would go and be alone with my thoughts and I would let the devil live rent free in my mind and that's not it. I have been blessed to encounter some amazing people, but I urge if you have someone one, just one person, reach out and get SOUND advice, from do it. I would call my sister who would pray with me, speak life into me, speak the word of God over my life. Sometimes you need someone to remind you of WHO GOD IS. God says that His love cannot be separated from us and nothing can take it away or lessen it (Romans 8:31-39). Get some friends who are oozing the love of God, it makes a difference! I will also say if you need to seek professional help there are so many resources available, don't hesitate to find some.
Lastly, I actively get in the word of God and Get to know what God has said about me, the promises and plans that He has for me. This is an everyday choice to put your focus on Gods plan and pursue Him in every way. This is where you begin building faith. I began to journal and write down the dreams that I have and what I wish to accomplish and what is on my mind, making list of everything. In the end, I'd go and get my bible and ask myself, "Does this align with the word of God? Is this going to glorify Him?". Soon after this, God will begin to clarify and readjust my list and ideas. Life can and will be difficult but when you continue to put your faith in Jesus, He will make a way.
PRAY
SEEK SUPPORT
GET TO KNOW WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT YOU
